Sunday, February 3, 2008

Secret Service Skank Yankers

I spent Saturday morning with President Clinton. Well, me and a thousand other people spent the morning with the past president. It's amazing to watch him work a crowd. Well, there was one guy who heckled him, calling him a communist. Seventeen angry lesbians promptly took him outside and beat the crap out if him.

I think he shook every single person's hand. He must make the secret service crazy. He's out there shaking hands and pressing the flesh with all these crazed Hillary fans and they just love him. They were all asking for autographs and passing him phone numbers. He even has his own skank yankers. One of the secret service dudes had to pry the women off him - literally! When the women hugged him the secret service agent would grab their hand and pull it away from him so he could move. It seemed like that was all the secret service dude did - pull women off Bill. A Secret Service skank yanker.

You have to wonder what it would be like to have Bill as the First Man. Would there be Hooter's girls camped out on the White House lawn, beer trucks rolling in day and night, kareoke every Tuesday night in the briefing room? Hillary would give the secret service agents tasers just to use on Bill! She would probably keep him on travel all the time, anyhow. Maybe she'd open an embassy in Antarctica and send him there? He could check out the global warming thing.

Can you imagine Bill in the White House with all the perks and none of the responsibility? It would be great for the newspaper business... But Hillary would probably have him rubbed out after the innauguration. I've seen my share of politicians and he knows the game better than anyone I've ever seen. Bill can work a room. It's little scary - but you just can't look away.

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